Motherhood
Updated: Sep 14
16th January, 2013
Dear Diary,
Today was no different from any other day. As usual, Mom had a huge fight with Dad. She shouted at him, and Dad refrained. The Superman toy that dad gifted me as my birthday present was broken into pieces by mom in her rage.
I had no courage to intervene in their blatant conversation. If I did, mom would either slap me or maim me like she had done the last time when dad got me a lavish beverage. Hence, I went to school with a hard smile; a sham, once again.
During the morning assembly, I was called on to the stage. Principal ma’am, my teachers, and all the students sang ‘Happy Birthday’ for me. I turned fourteen today, but Mom even forgot to wish me. My friends asked me what time I’d cut my birthday cake that evening at the party. They also wanted to know what special I brought for lunch. In reality, it was no different from most days. Mom just packed chapatis with mango pickle. She was in a hurry to go to her job. I’m often reminded of how strict her boss is, and at times, she had to work night shifts too.
When I returned home without mentioning my birthday party to my friends, I saw Dad cooking. He mentioned that Mom was busy and would arrive late at night. As we were eating dinner, Dad apologised for my birthday gift being broken during their argument.
I stayed silent as he also informed me that one of his friends had seen Mom on the road. Not wanting to listen to anything else, I just walked to my room to sleep. I can’t believe that my mother cannot even remember when I was born. I don’t know why she is always angry and working so restlessly. I’m glad God gave me a wonderful dad who talks to me, gets me gifts and loves me too.
- Chirag
16th January, 2013
Dear Diary,
Today is Chirag’s birthday. I didn’t wish him. How could I? On the very morning of his birthday, his father did something utterly silly. A part of the amount that I saved to pay his school fees was invested by him in a useless toy. Marrying that man was the biggest mistake I have ever made. Chirag has no idea that he’ll soon be leaving school. The little money that I earn turns out to be an investment in this man’s whiskey bottles.
Soon, that would have to end, and he wouldn’t be spared. When Chirag understands reality and this man’s emotional blackmail of taking him away from me, I will punish him.
I should have struck him when he proudly mentioned offering Chirag a sip of his drink while I was working. When I punish Chirag while teaching him the dos and the don’ts, he always misunderstands my intentions.
God! We have no money left. That monster gambles and burns my money while buying himself an early grave. All I ever wanted was to raise Chirag in a good environment, but I couldn’t even give him a good family. However, I will surely give him a good education, even if I have to work double time.
But as I get older, I attract a few customers now. The pimp that I met today also deducted my pay because I couldn’t reach her on time, excluding his complaint about my looks. Yesterday, an old customer caught a glimpse of me on the road and started shouting my work name.
I just hope my problems are solved before Chirag finds out about any of this. I wish I had stayed home on Chirag’s birthday, but I had to rush to the hospital for another abortion.
I just wish my son lived up to the image I built of myself. He is too young to face the sullen realities of life. I’ll be strict with him and will never let him become someone like his monstrous father.
- Rani.
Credits
This story is written by Preety Singh, edited by Sreekar Ayyagari & Tarun Chintam and photographed by Pankaj Tottada.
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