Negative Assumptions

Did you ever feel ignored? Did you ever wish you were someone else? Did you ever think you were a nobody?

“Negative Assumptions” by Nikhila Kotni tells the experience of a girl who has been through it all & grew out of it to say to others.

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Cover Photo by Pankaj Tottada

Did you ever feel like you have been ignored? Did you ever wish you were someone else? Did you ever think you were a nobody? Did you ever feel like you don’t deserve to live? Did you ever feel self-hatred? If yes, then I’m one among you! If you are thinking if this is self-venting, no it’s not! If you are thinking this is ‘motivational’, maybe slightly. You could be correct. ​

​Let me begin by telling you a story of an unpopular girl who was always with her best friends. She loved them more than anything else and for eleven years, they all studied together. Unfortunately, she had to move to a different school in her 10th grade. She missed her friends so much that she wrote letters to them and asked a neighbourhood friend who was from the same school as her friends to deliver them. A day later she got confirmation that her letters were received and she felt so happy imagining how her dear friends would feel after reading her letter.

However, months passed by and she got no response. So she wrote letters again but got no response again. This continued for a while before the neighbouring aunty asked, “Don’t you think you are acting foolishly? You always send letters and they never respond. Why do you even write when they don’t even care?” Listening to her, the girl felt bad. The happy faces that she imagined all those days, suddenly started looking blank. She didn’t know how they felt anymore. However, she wrote again one last time. She wished that the woman was wrong, and desperately wanted to prove her wrong by showing her at least one response. But she was left disappointed. Years passed and she graduated and started working in a job. However, the fact that she was ignored and the fear of the possibility that her letters were not even read used to make her heart heavy. Once in a while, she cried too. Yes! That girl is me and I recently found two of those letters that were unposted in my old belongings. I remembered that those were my last letters and I kept a carbon paper while writing the other letters too. Just as most would, I felt nostalgic. So I took a picture and posted it in my school girls group. Any guesses what happened? I was ignored again! I couldn’t help but feel bad as nothing changed and none of them cared even now. I didn’t open my WhatsApp for the rest of the day, the next day, one of my friends wrote that she collected all my letters addressed to her and saved them at her home. The other girls too recalled that I wrote to them. I was relieved that at least a few recalled and at least one person still treasures them. For me, that was the most beautiful moment I had in these dark and depressing pandemic times. Always remember, there’s a second side to every story and don’t always assume things negatively. If you are going to assume anyway then try assuming positively. If I could have assumed at least once that my friends have enjoyed reading my letters, I wouldn’t have suffered all these years thinking I’m unwanted. I wouldn’t have this insecurity that I would be a bad friend and eventually, everyone would leave me. Although it looks like a small issue, it can trigger something big inside you. So always think positively.

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Credits

This contribution is edited by Sreekar Ayyagari & photographed by Pankaj Tottada.

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Product

This experience is available in paperback & ebook.

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